I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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