she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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