I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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