If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
