DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
