I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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