At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
