New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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