he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
