so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
