She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
