I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
