she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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