you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
