I heard we made out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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