with your own penis?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize