i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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