i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
