What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
