allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
