morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
