According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
