you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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