every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
