I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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