The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize