FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
