You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
