Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
