i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
