Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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