that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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