I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
