there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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