he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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