You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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