I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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