Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
