He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
