shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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