If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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