I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
