If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
