You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
