we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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