Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
