When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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