You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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