it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
