The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
