I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love having hate sex.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
