Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
