when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
