I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
