Need sex. Gaining weight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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