I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
