cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
