do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i believe in u and ur pee
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
