I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
